Past Tense...

Vibha was wiping her tears before anyone could notice in the train.

(Photo courtesy google images)

It's been 4 years of married life with Vishal. All these days were awesome, she was having a time of her lifetime. Especially the last 2 years that they have been in the US. Vishal and Vibha met through few common friends and after a year of courtship they decided to get married. Vibha knew everything about Vishal in the one year of courtship including his earlier relationship that failed. But, he was over it and so was Vibha as Vishal was showering his love on her. So, now what happened?

The train halted in the next station and the door opened automatically. Vibha got down and kept walking towards the nearest escalator. It was around dusk and the skies were getting dark with a fair bit of crimson shade. The street lights were on and the traffic was average. She kept walking thinking about her life today. The more she thought the more her eyes swelled up. She was trying to wipe the tears with the soft tissue in her hands. The whole of the day she had switched off her mobile so that she won't have to hear anyone.

As she kept walking, she realized that she had reached the river front and the downtown skyline could be seen on the other end. It was a fabulous sight, but she wasn't in a mood to even acknowledge that. She walked across the road and sat in an empty bench facing the waterfront. Behind her the kids were playing, young couples were on a different world of theirs, elderly were having nostalgic conversation. Here she was, with her hands and lips trembling not by the cold wind but of the thoughts she was having in her mind.

An hour or so passed by and she was sitting motionless watching the reflections of the lights on the river. It was pretty cold and she had her hands tucked up in her pockets. She never knew what to do next. Should she leave the US or go back home. She was clueless. One thing was for sure, she was heart broken and trying to find a way out of this pain. She kept thinking, why me? what went wrong? haven't i been good all these years? Is this the way God has to punish me for not being good? She didn't knew what was happening around her and how to cope up to this situation.

Hours passed by and Vibha couldn't move from that place. She was imagining herself dead and this place was her grave. She never wanted to get up. She felt as if everything happening around her was different. In fact that's exactly the way it was with people walking around in oblivion. No one noticed her sitting quietly for hours now. Finally she managed to get up and walk towards the underground. Every step she took felt as if her weight was in tonnes. Her feet could feel the heaviness in taking every single step. Finally she reached home. Vishal opened the door and gave a hug "Tough day at work baby? mobile dried out?". He was visibly worried. Vibha just nodded and entered the bedroom and went straight to bed.

Next morning Vibha woke up to see little Vruksha awake. The moment she saw the baby she broke out loudly. She let out her emotions loudly and tears started flowing from her eyes like a cloudburst. Vishal came running inside and saw Vibha wailing like a kid.

"What's the matter Vibh..i am seeing for the past two days..you're totally not OK"...

".........." no response but the wailing continued...

"I am asking you honey, you have to tell me to make things fine...what is it" Vishal started getting restless and tensed...

"............" She never looked at him...

"Please Vibhu...i am here for you...please tell me...."

"Are you ?? Were you???"....Vibha questioned back ?

"What do you mean??" Vishal asked back

"Were you there for me all these days?"

"Wh...why?..yes always" Vishal was confused

"Always....Don't kill me Vishal" She started to sob again....

"Vibhu you need to let it out whatever is troubling..." He was getting worried...

"I read your dairy couple of days back..." She told staring deeply into his face...

She could see his face changing color.

"OK..but...so...what..." Vishal was trembling...

"Now tell me were you there for me always in the past 5 years?"

Vishal was silent...then mustered some courage and answered "Yes baby always..."

"No Vishal...how could you...all these years you have been thinking about Swati and were living with me."

"No..no..actually..." Vishal was searching was answers.

"I read all your scribblings about missing her...about your regrets of not getting her..your worries about how she was...you had been living with two people on your mind..How could you???" Vibha was pouring her heart out...

"..........." Now it's Vishal's turn to be silent with face down

"Did i not keeping you happy that you were still thinking about her? Look at Vruksh...what is she? Is she a by product of our physical needs?? And the most killing part is you've been acting as if you care for us the most and continuing to do so...How could you be so fake..." She was uncontrollable...

"Listen Vibhu, it was those thoughts that flashed when i got reminded of her....never met her after we broke up..Trust me please..Always been your husband and Vruksha's dad" Vishal was pleading...

"Things reminding of her....that's the problem...if you'd taken her off your mind how will it remind you of anything...What if tomorrow she comes in front of you...your soft corner would take over you?" Vibha was angry yet weak....

"I don't know what you talk about....Why..."

"Vishal...i can't share your thoughts also with anyone...When i loved you and got married i owned you completely...not shared....and i cannot live as a companion for pleasures and my baby was just a part of your life...The day i realised that i was not the only one in your mind that's when i became a past tense in your life"

"I am so sorry...Never realised how you;d feel....Sorry..Sorry...will take her out totally from this moment..."Vishal pleaded with tears all over his cheeks...

"No Vishal...i think i have made up my decision. I will not leave you now, Vruksha needs her dad whether you need or not. But i cant be your wife only in parts...So i would continue to stay with you for Vruksha but never can i be the same to you ever..." Vibha got up and went into kitchen...

Vishal was stunned realising the mistake he had done as he looked at her getting freshened up and got ready for a new day...with a new determination...